So perhaps my first blog entry back was a bit more optimistic than actually accurate.
Sudan hasn't exactly welcomed me back with a sweet embrace, so to speak. I arrived safely, but my luggage did not. After a couple of phone calls to the number they gave me and many anxious prayers on my part I got it a day and a half later, much to my relief. (It does, after all, contain hopefully enough chocolate to sustain me these next 9 months!) And, of course, of course we are continuing in our series of electrical problems in the apartment. My housemate and I can only really respond with sighs. And jet lag...life just seems to me a lot harder when you're tired and can't sleep. I don't mean to complain, but it's the truth of how I'm feeling.
What is definitely the hardest part is that I was unprepared emotionally for how difficult saying goodbye to everyone would be this time around. It's caught me kind of off guard and there have been more tears than I care to admit.
Leaving home where I fell so loved and well cared for, where I feel free, and coming back to a land where things generally don't make a whole lot of sense to me has been harder than I thought. I come back feeling torn between two worlds. One where I feel comfortable and at ease and surrounded by people and things that breathe joy and life into me. And another one that I choose for myself, that I'm learning to love, but that is a really, really hard place to live. I find myself wondering if I can hack it.
Choosing to live somewhere else is almost like asking for a broken heart. Because no matter where you are, a part of your heart is somewhere else. No matter where you are, you're a little incomplete.
I'm sure the sting will wear off in a few days. When I get back into life and a routine it will make things easier I'm sure. I didn't expect returning to be this difficult. But later today I will go visit the boys. They bring me so much joy. Will invigorate my spirit I'm sure. It will help to be reminded why I'm here, and why I was a little sad to be leaving when I left for my break. :)
|"Like all explorers, we are drawn to discover whats out there without knowing yet if we have the courage to face it." Pema Chodron
Sudan hasn't exactly welcomed me back with a sweet embrace, so to speak. I arrived safely, but my luggage did not. After a couple of phone calls to the number they gave me and many anxious prayers on my part I got it a day and a half later, much to my relief. (It does, after all, contain hopefully enough chocolate to sustain me these next 9 months!) And, of course, of course we are continuing in our series of electrical problems in the apartment. My housemate and I can only really respond with sighs. And jet lag...life just seems to me a lot harder when you're tired and can't sleep. I don't mean to complain, but it's the truth of how I'm feeling.
What is definitely the hardest part is that I was unprepared emotionally for how difficult saying goodbye to everyone would be this time around. It's caught me kind of off guard and there have been more tears than I care to admit.
Leaving home where I fell so loved and well cared for, where I feel free, and coming back to a land where things generally don't make a whole lot of sense to me has been harder than I thought. I come back feeling torn between two worlds. One where I feel comfortable and at ease and surrounded by people and things that breathe joy and life into me. And another one that I choose for myself, that I'm learning to love, but that is a really, really hard place to live. I find myself wondering if I can hack it.
Choosing to live somewhere else is almost like asking for a broken heart. Because no matter where you are, a part of your heart is somewhere else. No matter where you are, you're a little incomplete.
I'm sure the sting will wear off in a few days. When I get back into life and a routine it will make things easier I'm sure. I didn't expect returning to be this difficult. But later today I will go visit the boys. They bring me so much joy. Will invigorate my spirit I'm sure. It will help to be reminded why I'm here, and why I was a little sad to be leaving when I left for my break. :)
|"Like all explorers, we are drawn to discover whats out there without knowing yet if we have the courage to face it." Pema Chodron
Oh girl. Well put. I go through this roller coaster every time we go back and forth. I wish I could say it gets easier, but I am not sure I can. Life here and there are soooo so so so so so soooo ( get the point?!) different. Especially for us ladies. The sharp edges of the pain will slowly soften and you will find your groove again. Promise. You CAN hack it girl, even when you think you can't. And our daily life challenges build faith and endurance and character, and those things are better than an unchallenged life. I know you would agree. Welcome back. :) suzanne
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