How to be a Pretty Sudanese Lady

Last week when I went to my friends house all of the married ladies in the house were in the process of their usual henna routine. They asked if I'd like some. Sure!

Being a single lady I'm only allowed to have one hand done. The married ladies do both hands and both feet. It's this mud type stuff they put on. You keep it on until it's mostly dry. Which for me was about an hour and a half. But I've heard people leave it on overnight. The ladies just sit there, chatting, touching up, napping, and awkwardly taking sips of juice. Then you re-do it the next day so that it goes from dark brown to opaque black. I only got the one coat.

This is the nenna for special occassions--engagement parties, weddings, etc.

There is a lot expected from the typical lady as far as beauty routines go. This applies mostly to married ladies. (With the expception of ladies who are about to be married in which the beauty routines are outta control).


They're expected to have fresh looking henna on both hands and feet always. So that's 4.5-5 hours every two weeks or so. They also do this thing where they sit for an extended period of time over a smoke hole with a thick blanket wrapped around them. Then they do the same thing with incense so that they literally have the stuff steeped into their pores. They go to the salon to get their hair braided, plaited, prettyfied. They wax their arms and legs. They do this thing with thread to get all of the teeny tiny hairs off their faces.

So, married ladies spend lots of time staying pretty and smelling nice for their husbands. Though, generally, the more well off the family is the more time and money they have for these things. There is a bit of a scale based on social class.

It is motivated by fear for some of the women. They feel they need to put in all of this time and effort to keep their husbands from divorcing them or taking a second (or third, or fourth) wife. It's quite sad, really. That for many their sole purpose is pleasing their husbands.

Thankfully as a single gal and as a foreigner I can get away with much less. I fall on the super low maintenance side of the spectrum for these sorts of things so it takes a certain amount of emotional effort to even paint my toes. Which I do, but only if I feel like I have to (aka wedding or important event). A different mindset, indeed.

But it's cool to share in their culture. I have gotten some attention for the henna. The other day in the market an older lady stopped me and grabbed my hand, smiled, looked at me and said "This is Sudanese!" I nodded yes, she said it again, then I said that my Sudanese friend did it for me. She seemed very pleased. Then a few of the teachers at school and some of the staff at the center have noticed it and been like, "What is that?!" They seem pleased and somewhat amazed. Foreigners don't generally have this type of henna. It's nice. Though, I am mildly concerned that people in the states when I come home in just over a week are going to wonder what strange finger disease I've picked up. :)

Learning

I've learned a lot about myself living in another culture. Can't say all of it is stuff I'm thrilled to know, but gives me things to work on and towards all the same.

Like, when I'm nervous, trying to navigate a new place, or especially if I'm kind of lost or just did something stupid like trip on the street I mumble to myself. Sometimes its a mumbling of comments to the driver that almost hit me with their car. Or asking the car going too fast not to hit me. A lot of times it's a mumbled scolding to myself. I will tell myself under my breath when I do something stupid or sometimes whisper to the buses to stop for me. I realize its ridiculous. It's not a habit I'm proud of.

I've also learned that I am, what my friend so nicely put, a "spouter." Meaning, I generally don't always think through what I say. I tend to spout sometimes. I have the unfortunate tendency to tell embarrassing stories about myself. Only when I'm about halfway through do I realize that maybe the world doesn't need to know about the time in 4th grade that I got my hair cut short like a boys and on a field trip a lady made me stand in the boys line for the bathroom before I told her I was a girl. I'm pretty sure I inadvertently have told most of my friends here about being in elementary school and spending my recesses collecting bugs instead of playing with friends. And how my teacher would check my pockets before I went back into the classroom to make sure I wasn't bringing in bugs again. Yeah.

Whenever I took the Myers-Briggs test a few years ago I was a little more extroverted than introverted. But I think that has changed and I'm a little more introverted these days. I really like people a lot, but this girl needs time to herself to be recharged and ready to face life. This is an important thing to know and understand about oneself.

Another thing I've learned about myself is that I like a challenge. I don't think this is new I just hadn't really thought about it until a friend of mine here pointed it out. I really like trying new things, improving myself, making things for myself instead of buying them, setting goals. Big fan.

I've learned that big things in life don't stress me out like the small ones. I called my sister in tears one day trying to file my taxes with Turbotax. I was feeling defeated. At the end of the conversation she pointed out that that was the first time I called her in tears. Even when I was robbed or when our house was seriously damaged from a fire I was not that upset. It made me laugh. I find its easier to trust God in big things, so I can easily leave those to him. But things that I feel like are up to me cause me more stress and frustration. I'm sure there is a lesson in there somewhere.

In the same hand, conquering big feats and fears don't necessarily make the smaller ones any easier. Since coming here I've had to swallow nervousness and do things that are hard, uncomfortable, a little scary. Sometimes I feel super proud about them and sometimes I'm just happy it's over with. But even when I do something that I'm proud of myself for...I still get nervous about calling people I don't know very well or knocking on the door of my best Sudanese friend. It's silly, hey? But I have learned that I have the capability to just go do something even if I'm scared, unsure, or otherwise clueless. I can push the fears away and just do it when I need to. And by "I can" I mean that God enables me to and gives me the grace to put one foot ahead of the other and trust Him.

It's been a steep learning curve in most every way. About Sudanese culture, the area I live, the people, food, language. Myself. And a lot, a lot, a lot about God. His goodness, character, faithfulness. About believing prayer, the power of prayer, the importance of community. Giving and receiving help. Needing to rely on others and not just myself. So many things. And I suspect I'm only skimming the surface. A year and a halfish in with hopefully many more to go. No matter what I'm sure the days ahead abound with lessons new, hard, sweet, and refining. I can't wait.

Yeppers

We have lots of different ways to say yes. Yeah. Yup. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

So do the Sudanese. Nom. Aywa. Ay. And this clicking noise you do with the side of your mouth. I like it. I use it a lot.

Recently some friends came back from a trip to Ethiopia. They were saying that there instead of the click for yes that Ethiopians do this like small gasp with their throat. I said, "Wait, do Eritreans do that too??"

See, we have a lady who is an Eritrean refugee who comes and cleans for us once a week. Shes the sweetest lady. Maybe not the best cleaner in the whole world, and unintentionally hides stuff in the kitchen sometimes (the day after she comes usually involves a bit of hide and seek in the kitchen trying to find certain things). But she is a delightful lady and goes around singing as she cleans.

My housemate and I both had been noticing for awhile that when we talk with her she does these little gasps a lot. We were starting to get a little worried about it and had discussed with each other offering to pay for a doctors visit for her.

Well, as it turns out, Eritreans do the little gasp to mean "yes" as well. My housemate and I laughed and laughed when we learned this and were happy we hadn't expressed our concerns about her health just yet.

In the Know

We have two girls staying with us for the month of May. They're helping my housemate with a camp she is putting on for kids from her school.

One day this week they went with me to the boys center to check it out and play some games with them. Neither of them know any Arabic whatsoever. So we got there and had lunch with the teachers, chatted with the boys, and played some games with them. It was a blast. The boys esspecially enjoyed the sister game of "Duck, duck, goose" called "Drip, drip, splash" where you have a cup of water in hand and instead of saying words go from person to person dropping a bit on each head until you dump the cup on someone and that person chases you around the circle. Even some of the older boys joined us for that one.

In college when I travelled overseas I would watch folks who had been in an area for awhile speak the language and seem 'in the know' about wherever we were. I wanted to be one of those people. I eagerly anticipated the day that I would be able to show people around and translate and be awesome. While I feel nowhere close to 'the know,' whatever that is, it felt pretty sweet translating the girls' English to Arabic and the boys and teachers Arabic to English. They were impressed with my knowledge and understanding of the bus system and stations. (It took awhile to get to that point, trust me!) And I gave them tips on eating their first real Sudanese meal. It made me feel like a part of life here. I'm still an outsider, and not all that awesome yet, but I'm not a new kid anymore. I know stuff! Yeah!

Known

About an 10 minute walk from our house is a nice fruit and veg market. I traipse on down there once a week or so. I go to same veg guy and the same fruit guy. They're nice, I feel like they don't cheat me, and if they don't have something that I want and it's available they'll walk down to another friends stall and get it for me.

Two weeks ago my fruit guy was not there and his stall was empty. I bought fruit from the guy that has a stall next to him. He'll get grapefruits from him if he doesn't have any when I come.

So last week when I went to stock up my fruit guy asked where I had been. I told him that he wasn't there the last time that I came. To which he responded "Yes, I know. You bought fruit from [insert friends name]." And pointed to him. I laughed and said "Oh yeah, I did," realized that I suppose they would discuss that in the hours they sit near each other all day.

But then he said, "Yes you only bought grapefruits and honeydews, no bananas." To which I sort of chuckled and said, "Yeah...maybe...I don't remember."

So if I had any allusions of anonominity and thought that perhaps I could sneak in and out unnoticed...well, they are gone now.

Esspecially as the only foreigners in this part of town we are learning that our behaviors are quite well noticed by all. It's a little weird, I'm not gonna lie.

Joys and Dips

Last week at church we were singing the simple words, "When I am dry you fill my cup" and I got a little teary, just overwhelmed with thankfulness. Life has slowed down a bit--not even a whole lot really, but somehow the pressure is off and life has seemed almost easy the last two weeks. It's kind of like entering into new phase of life here in a way. Like...I'm feeling a little more competent. A little more capable. I'm not a new kid anymore.

There was one day that I was studying Arabic at home and I got really excited about it. I love the feeling of learning, using, and remembering new words. But I generally don't get that fluttery feeling of excitement inside. I just felt thrilled that I'm communicating in another language an the potential that is there for fluency. And I was just reminded how much I want to be here. In Africa.

I do find that little emotional highs are often followed by some sort of low. I did end up in frustrated tears at one point this week. It was for silly things. But did serve as a reminder that I am in serious need of a mental/emotional/physical break from Sudan. People have referred to Sudan as a pressure cooker environment to live in and I have to say I agree. It's not an easy place.

I like to think that I'm a tough cookie. But I was reminded this week that whatever strength I have, whenever I'm tough or strong or steady its from another source. I crumble on my own.

This line of work has a unique set of trials and sacrifices. Anyone who follows Christ has a host of them. Dying to self hurts and it's hard. Especially when you're not quite sure how to get it right. Where and when and how do life and work and worship and ministry and leisure and praise and people intersect? Why doesn't the Bible have some sort of pie chart for that?

Just kidding, just kidding.

So we keep travelling on this road. Never getting it totally right, but headed in the right direction at least. With the joys and dips along the way. It's all a gift. Great mercies, they all are.

"I will be to you wat the sun is to the flower, what the water of the ocean is to the fish, and what the sky is to the birds." Frances J. Roberts

Surprise Performance

Last week at the staff at the center for the younger boys held little program for the families of the boys. Yes, some of the boys have family around. All are pretty hard up. Most are single moms. Some live on the streets themselves, and some work in not so legal professions. (In September there is a Dutch lady who will be starting up self-help groups and do things like micro loans to help lift these ladies and others out of poverty and into a better life.)

The program was nice. The younger boys sang, some of the older boys sang, one of the teachers shared an important message, and the director of the center shared about what has been going on at the center and a bit about next year. One of the boys moms got up and praised the director and the teachers and said what a good thing we are all doing. It was really cool.

Then, towards the end, the teacher who was emceeing the event, Algheer, asked all of the mualimeen to come up. (Literally means "learned ones." Its used to include all of the staff who do programs with the boys and not just school teachers). I hesitated for a moment, but he looked at me and said "No, you must come up! You are one of us!" So I went up with the other 4 or 5 teachers that were there and we were all introduced.

Then....Surprise! We get to sing a song in front of everyone too!

They shared two Arabic songbooks. I can read Arabic, but not that fast! So I hoped it was a song that I knew. Nope. Our littlies were sitting in the front and clearly amused that this caught me off guard and I had no idea about the song. Thankfully most of the praise songs here are pretty simple and involve a decent amount of sing-and-repeat. So I caught on to about half of the song. But spent the other half smiling, chuckling to myself, and trying not to look too stupid. Whenever one of the littles caught my eye they burst into giggles. Funnnnn times.

When the program was over I was talking with the older boys and Algheer came over and I said "Thank you so much for the opportunity to get up in front of people I don't know and sing a song that I don't know in Arabic!" He laughed, and told me I would be prepared for next time. I said "Yes, prepared to stay at home!" (Kidding, of course.)

I've come to learn that at these sorts of events I will never be consulted in advance and almost always I will be called up to share a few words. So I was prepared for that in case that happened, but this is the first time I've been surprised with a song performance. At least it was with a group! But I'm sure I added a good dose of amusement to the proceedings and gave these families a good story to tell their friends about. Glad I can entertain!